Coffee Suppository
Friday, October 23, 2009
Parking Ticket
The other day, I left from the local bakery and I see a police motorcyclist writing a parking ticket.
I approached and said to him:
- “I was only five minutes in the bakery. Can't you forget this infringement? ”
He totally ignores me and continues to write.
- “Bloody idiot just making a nuisance”, I cannot prevent myself from saying to him.
And then he starts to write another ticket for absence of a reflective plate in front of the vehicle.
My blood makes starts to boil and I start a tirade of abuse :
- “Pig, government Nazi agent, cockroach, scum bucket, fart of cow, impotent, illiterate, hemorrhoidal piece of arse wipe…”
Ah, there, I used the richness of my vocabulary well.
My outburst continues fifteen minutes, and the cop, completely unwavering, continues to put fines under the windscreen wiper so much so that there was practically no more room on the windshield.
I noted that for all my outrage, everything I said lead to nothing and I decided to throw in the towel.
… Then I quietly walked to my car, parked two streets away.
I approached and said to him:
- “I was only five minutes in the bakery. Can't you forget this infringement? ”
He totally ignores me and continues to write.
- “Bloody idiot just making a nuisance”, I cannot prevent myself from saying to him.
And then he starts to write another ticket for absence of a reflective plate in front of the vehicle.
My blood makes starts to boil and I start a tirade of abuse :
- “Pig, government Nazi agent, cockroach, scum bucket, fart of cow, impotent, illiterate, hemorrhoidal piece of arse wipe…”
Ah, there, I used the richness of my vocabulary well.
My outburst continues fifteen minutes, and the cop, completely unwavering, continues to put fines under the windscreen wiper so much so that there was practically no more room on the windshield.
I noted that for all my outrage, everything I said lead to nothing and I decided to throw in the towel.
… Then I quietly walked to my car, parked two streets away.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Police
- At the scene of the accident, didn't you say to the police officer that, “you had never felt as well in all your life”?
The farmer:
- That is exactly what I said.
The lawyer:
- And it is now only that you come to complain to be seriously wounded in the accident between the car of my customer and your carriage?
The farmer:
- It is because, when the police officer arrived at the scene of the accident, he went to see my horse, which had a broken leg, and he proceeded to shoot it in the head. Then, he went towards Ricky, my dog, which was lying by the side of the road in a pool of blood, and he shot him dead too. Then when he approached me and asked me how I felt, I thought that it was better to say to him that I was perfectly well…
Joseph, his only son, who usually helped him in this work was in prison.
The old man thus writes a letter to his son describing his difficult situation there:
Dear Joe,
I feel very sad, because it seems to me that this year, I will not be able to plant my potatoes in the garden.
I am too old to be able to dig and turn over the ground in that portion of the garden.
If you were here, all my problems would be solved. I know that you would dig and would turn over the ground of the garden for me.
With love
Dad
A few days later, he received a letter from his son:
Dear dad,
For the love of God, dad, do not dig in the garden, that’s where I have buried the BODIES.
With love, Joe
Till 4:00 AM the next morning, a squad of FBI agents and the local police arrived and completely dug every square inch of the garden without finding any corpse.
After, they excused themselves to the old man and left the premises.
The same day, the old man received another letter from his son:
Dear Papa
Go ahead, now, you can plant your potatoes. It is best than I can do under the circumstances.
With love
Joseph
The farmer:
- That is exactly what I said.
The lawyer:
- And it is now only that you come to complain to be seriously wounded in the accident between the car of my customer and your carriage?
The farmer:
- It is because, when the police officer arrived at the scene of the accident, he went to see my horse, which had a broken leg, and he proceeded to shoot it in the head. Then, he went towards Ricky, my dog, which was lying by the side of the road in a pool of blood, and he shot him dead too. Then when he approached me and asked me how I felt, I thought that it was better to say to him that I was perfectly well…
Joseph, his only son, who usually helped him in this work was in prison.
The old man thus writes a letter to his son describing his difficult situation there:
Dear Joe,
I feel very sad, because it seems to me that this year, I will not be able to plant my potatoes in the garden.
I am too old to be able to dig and turn over the ground in that portion of the garden.
If you were here, all my problems would be solved. I know that you would dig and would turn over the ground of the garden for me.
With love
Dad
A few days later, he received a letter from his son:
Dear dad,
For the love of God, dad, do not dig in the garden, that’s where I have buried the BODIES.
With love, Joe
Till 4:00 AM the next morning, a squad of FBI agents and the local police arrived and completely dug every square inch of the garden without finding any corpse.
After, they excused themselves to the old man and left the premises.
The same day, the old man received another letter from his son:
Dear Papa
Go ahead, now, you can plant your potatoes. It is best than I can do under the circumstances.
With love
Joseph
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