Makes you proud doesn't it...
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Jokes about women
What are the differences between a woman and a tornado?
…
???
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…
…
None, both of them end up leaving with the house!
Why do men choose to have wives who cry all the time without reason, and who take 3 hours to get dressed?
…
???
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…
…
- They do not choose; all of them are the same!
The small boy asks has his father:
- “Dad, when I came into the world, who gave me my intelligence?”
- “It is surely your mother, because me, I still have mine.”
On a golf green, one guy has already spent 5 minutes calculating his next swing, looking in the distance, then looking at his ball, attempting to measure the expanse between them, trying to calculate the speed and the direction of the wind.
Inevitably, his game partners are irritated:
“My gosh! What on earth are you deciding to do? Are you going to swing or not?!”
The guy who wants to impress his wife answers: “My wife is over there watching me from the club-house. I want that my swing is perfect!”
One of his buddies answers him:
“Err well, if you want my opinion, you are not that likely to strike her with your ball from this distance!”
A sergeant asks 2 officers:
- What would you do in a jeep if a helicopter were chasing after you?
The first answers:
- I’d take out a bazooka and then aim at the helicopter.
The second answers:
- I’d imitate the women; I’d use the left indicator and then turn right.
A pretty blonde seems very excited while she is waiting in the offices of a lawyer. Without taking the time to sit down, she asks:
“It is true that if I divorce, I will obtain possession of half the goods of my husband?”
“If one manages the situation well, answers the lawyer, yes, it is possible. Why, are you thinking of divorcing?”
“Not yet, the blonde answers. Initially I must find my husband.”
Why did NASA send a woman in space?
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???
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Because it’s less heavy than a dishwasher!
Which are the perfect measurements for a woman?
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???
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…
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Answer: 90,50,41
(90 years old, 50 million in bank, 41°C of fever)
…
???
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None, both of them end up leaving with the house!
Why do men choose to have wives who cry all the time without reason, and who take 3 hours to get dressed?
…
???
…
…
…
- They do not choose; all of them are the same!
The small boy asks has his father:
- “Dad, when I came into the world, who gave me my intelligence?”
- “It is surely your mother, because me, I still have mine.”
On a golf green, one guy has already spent 5 minutes calculating his next swing, looking in the distance, then looking at his ball, attempting to measure the expanse between them, trying to calculate the speed and the direction of the wind.
Inevitably, his game partners are irritated:
“My gosh! What on earth are you deciding to do? Are you going to swing or not?!”
The guy who wants to impress his wife answers: “My wife is over there watching me from the club-house. I want that my swing is perfect!”
One of his buddies answers him:
“Err well, if you want my opinion, you are not that likely to strike her with your ball from this distance!”
A sergeant asks 2 officers:
- What would you do in a jeep if a helicopter were chasing after you?
The first answers:
- I’d take out a bazooka and then aim at the helicopter.
The second answers:
- I’d imitate the women; I’d use the left indicator and then turn right.
A pretty blonde seems very excited while she is waiting in the offices of a lawyer. Without taking the time to sit down, she asks:
“It is true that if I divorce, I will obtain possession of half the goods of my husband?”
“If one manages the situation well, answers the lawyer, yes, it is possible. Why, are you thinking of divorcing?”
“Not yet, the blonde answers. Initially I must find my husband.”
Why did NASA send a woman in space?
…
???
…
…
Because it’s less heavy than a dishwasher!
Which are the perfect measurements for a woman?
…
???
Publish Post
…
…
…
Answer: 90,50,41
(90 years old, 50 million in bank, 41°C of fever)
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
More Police Jokes
A drunken man leaves a bar; he meets a police officer on horseback.
He says to him: “Stop & walk your dog.”
The police officer answers:
“It is not a dog, it is a horse.”
The drunk answers him:
“I wasn’t speaking to you.”
“Hello police, I have just crushed a chicken, what do I have to do next?
- Eh well, pluck and make it cook it at gas mark 6.
- Ok, good, and what should I do with the motorbike? “
There were three young people who wanted to enroll in the army. The colonel called to the first to approach him and started to ask him these questions:
- How old are you?
-28 my colonel.
- How much do you weigh?
-130 my colonel.
- Have you already used the gun or rifle?
them 2 my colonel.
This one passed the test successfully. The second and the third was a little nervous and were required to be re-questioned by another colonel. The second says to him: Firstly it is 28 my colonel then 130 my colonel and finally it’s 2 my colonel. The third then moved towards the colonel & the colonel asked him:
- How much do you weigh?
-28 my colonel.
- How old are you?
-130 my colonel.
- What do you take me for, an imbecile or an idiot?
them 2 my colonel.
The telephone sounds at the general headquarter of the FBI:
- “Hello.”
- “Hello, it is well with the Police?”
- “Yes. What do you want?”
- “I invite you to visit my neighbor Tom. I have reason to believe his hiding place for marijuana is in his firewood…”
- “It is noted.”
The following day, the police arrive at the house of Tom.
They look around until they find where the firewood is kept. They split each log, but do not find any marijuana. They give up, frustrated at being called for nothing.
The telephone sounds at Tom.
- “Hey, Tom! Did the police come?”
- “yep!”
- “They did cut your firewood?”
- “Yes they did it.”
- “OK, I figure it is your turn to call them next.
I need to plow my garden… “
He says to him: “Stop & walk your dog.”
The police officer answers:
“It is not a dog, it is a horse.”
The drunk answers him:
“I wasn’t speaking to you.”
“Hello police, I have just crushed a chicken, what do I have to do next?
- Eh well, pluck and make it cook it at gas mark 6.
- Ok, good, and what should I do with the motorbike? “
There were three young people who wanted to enroll in the army. The colonel called to the first to approach him and started to ask him these questions:
- How old are you?
-28 my colonel.
- How much do you weigh?
-130 my colonel.
- Have you already used the gun or rifle?
them 2 my colonel.
This one passed the test successfully. The second and the third was a little nervous and were required to be re-questioned by another colonel. The second says to him: Firstly it is 28 my colonel then 130 my colonel and finally it’s 2 my colonel. The third then moved towards the colonel & the colonel asked him:
- How much do you weigh?
-28 my colonel.
- How old are you?
-130 my colonel.
- What do you take me for, an imbecile or an idiot?
them 2 my colonel.
The telephone sounds at the general headquarter of the FBI:
- “Hello.”
- “Hello, it is well with the Police?”
- “Yes. What do you want?”
- “I invite you to visit my neighbor Tom. I have reason to believe his hiding place for marijuana is in his firewood…”
- “It is noted.”
The following day, the police arrive at the house of Tom.
They look around until they find where the firewood is kept. They split each log, but do not find any marijuana. They give up, frustrated at being called for nothing.
The telephone sounds at Tom.
- “Hey, Tom! Did the police come?”
- “yep!”
- “They did cut your firewood?”
- “Yes they did it.”
- “OK, I figure it is your turn to call them next.
I need to plow my garden… “
Friday, October 23, 2009
Parking Ticket
The other day, I left from the local bakery and I see a police motorcyclist writing a parking ticket.
I approached and said to him:
- “I was only five minutes in the bakery. Can't you forget this infringement? ”
He totally ignores me and continues to write.
- “Bloody idiot just making a nuisance”, I cannot prevent myself from saying to him.
And then he starts to write another ticket for absence of a reflective plate in front of the vehicle.
My blood makes starts to boil and I start a tirade of abuse :
- “Pig, government Nazi agent, cockroach, scum bucket, fart of cow, impotent, illiterate, hemorrhoidal piece of arse wipe…”
Ah, there, I used the richness of my vocabulary well.
My outburst continues fifteen minutes, and the cop, completely unwavering, continues to put fines under the windscreen wiper so much so that there was practically no more room on the windshield.
I noted that for all my outrage, everything I said lead to nothing and I decided to throw in the towel.
… Then I quietly walked to my car, parked two streets away.
I approached and said to him:
- “I was only five minutes in the bakery. Can't you forget this infringement? ”
He totally ignores me and continues to write.
- “Bloody idiot just making a nuisance”, I cannot prevent myself from saying to him.
And then he starts to write another ticket for absence of a reflective plate in front of the vehicle.
My blood makes starts to boil and I start a tirade of abuse :
- “Pig, government Nazi agent, cockroach, scum bucket, fart of cow, impotent, illiterate, hemorrhoidal piece of arse wipe…”
Ah, there, I used the richness of my vocabulary well.
My outburst continues fifteen minutes, and the cop, completely unwavering, continues to put fines under the windscreen wiper so much so that there was practically no more room on the windshield.
I noted that for all my outrage, everything I said lead to nothing and I decided to throw in the towel.
… Then I quietly walked to my car, parked two streets away.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Police
- At the scene of the accident, didn't you say to the police officer that, “you had never felt as well in all your life”?
The farmer:
- That is exactly what I said.
The lawyer:
- And it is now only that you come to complain to be seriously wounded in the accident between the car of my customer and your carriage?
The farmer:
- It is because, when the police officer arrived at the scene of the accident, he went to see my horse, which had a broken leg, and he proceeded to shoot it in the head. Then, he went towards Ricky, my dog, which was lying by the side of the road in a pool of blood, and he shot him dead too. Then when he approached me and asked me how I felt, I thought that it was better to say to him that I was perfectly well…
Joseph, his only son, who usually helped him in this work was in prison.
The old man thus writes a letter to his son describing his difficult situation there:
Dear Joe,
I feel very sad, because it seems to me that this year, I will not be able to plant my potatoes in the garden.
I am too old to be able to dig and turn over the ground in that portion of the garden.
If you were here, all my problems would be solved. I know that you would dig and would turn over the ground of the garden for me.
With love
Dad
A few days later, he received a letter from his son:
Dear dad,
For the love of God, dad, do not dig in the garden, that’s where I have buried the BODIES.
With love, Joe
Till 4:00 AM the next morning, a squad of FBI agents and the local police arrived and completely dug every square inch of the garden without finding any corpse.
After, they excused themselves to the old man and left the premises.
The same day, the old man received another letter from his son:
Dear Papa
Go ahead, now, you can plant your potatoes. It is best than I can do under the circumstances.
With love
Joseph
The farmer:
- That is exactly what I said.
The lawyer:
- And it is now only that you come to complain to be seriously wounded in the accident between the car of my customer and your carriage?
The farmer:
- It is because, when the police officer arrived at the scene of the accident, he went to see my horse, which had a broken leg, and he proceeded to shoot it in the head. Then, he went towards Ricky, my dog, which was lying by the side of the road in a pool of blood, and he shot him dead too. Then when he approached me and asked me how I felt, I thought that it was better to say to him that I was perfectly well…
Joseph, his only son, who usually helped him in this work was in prison.
The old man thus writes a letter to his son describing his difficult situation there:
Dear Joe,
I feel very sad, because it seems to me that this year, I will not be able to plant my potatoes in the garden.
I am too old to be able to dig and turn over the ground in that portion of the garden.
If you were here, all my problems would be solved. I know that you would dig and would turn over the ground of the garden for me.
With love
Dad
A few days later, he received a letter from his son:
Dear dad,
For the love of God, dad, do not dig in the garden, that’s where I have buried the BODIES.
With love, Joe
Till 4:00 AM the next morning, a squad of FBI agents and the local police arrived and completely dug every square inch of the garden without finding any corpse.
After, they excused themselves to the old man and left the premises.
The same day, the old man received another letter from his son:
Dear Papa
Go ahead, now, you can plant your potatoes. It is best than I can do under the circumstances.
With love
Joseph
Sunday, June 28, 2009
More Police Jokes
Ok, they're not that funny but I'm doing my best!
A police officer stops a voluptuous motorist:
- You know that speed is limited to 35 m/ph and you sped by at 50!
- Yes…
- Good, well how about I give you a slap on the buttocks for each mile in excess, what would you say to that then?
- I was doing 70!
A police officer on night patrols goes to a well-known place known as the “carpark”. He sees a couple in a stationery car with a lit interior light. He approaches the car and sees a young man sitting at the wheel reading a magazine on data processing and a young woman sitting on the back seat knitting.
Curious about this funny situation, he approaches nearer and knocks on the glass. The young man lowers his window….
- Yes, how can I help officer?
- What are you going here?
- Me… I’m reading a magazine!
The officer then points towards the young girl….
- And what about her, what is she making?
The young man shrugs his shoulders,
- Not sure, but I believe she’s knitting a pullover!
The police officer is completely confused. A young couple alone in a car late at night… and it does not occur to them to do anything immoral!
- How old are you, young man?
- I am 22 years old.
- And her, how old is she?
The young man looks at his watch and replies:
- She will be 18 years old in twenty minutes.
A police officer stops a voluptuous motorist:
- You know that speed is limited to 35 m/ph and you sped by at 50!
- Yes…
- Good, well how about I give you a slap on the buttocks for each mile in excess, what would you say to that then?
- I was doing 70!
A police officer on night patrols goes to a well-known place known as the “carpark”. He sees a couple in a stationery car with a lit interior light. He approaches the car and sees a young man sitting at the wheel reading a magazine on data processing and a young woman sitting on the back seat knitting.
Curious about this funny situation, he approaches nearer and knocks on the glass. The young man lowers his window….
- Yes, how can I help officer?
- What are you going here?
- Me… I’m reading a magazine!
The officer then points towards the young girl….
- And what about her, what is she making?
The young man shrugs his shoulders,
- Not sure, but I believe she’s knitting a pullover!
The police officer is completely confused. A young couple alone in a car late at night… and it does not occur to them to do anything immoral!
- How old are you, young man?
- I am 22 years old.
- And her, how old is she?
The young man looks at his watch and replies:
- She will be 18 years old in twenty minutes.
Jamie Lynn, the little sister of Britney Spears is pregnant - Video exclusive
The video which made my day. Here!!! Adorable.
There is nothing Photoshop can’t correct!
With Photoshop it is possible to even correct the mistakes of interpretation…
Microsoft proves hell really exists...
How Mr. Vista remains cool in front of this obvious manifestation of the existence of Satan!!!
For those in uniform...
A soldier is in full camouflage in the forest. This soldier who had disguised himself as a tree trunk, suddenly gave up his post at one crucial moment of the operations. The sergeant in charge of the operation asked him why he left his station:
- Putting all else aside. You realize that you endangered not only your own life but also the lives of your entire platoon. During the combat, the enemy discovered us all because of your fault! Do you have any explanation for your actions?
- Yes sergeant: As much as I did not move even an inch when a couple of pigeons took me for a target. As much as I did not say anything and I remained motionless when I saw a snake crawling over my feet… But when these two squirrels returned in my trousers and that I heard one of them say: “Let us eat one immediately and keep the other for winter”, I cracked…
A radar officer standing under a bridge flashes a motorist at 90m/ph. A little further he is stopped by a fellow officer who points out the traffic regulations:
- “You know that there is a speed limit of 70m/ph on this section of motorway. However, you went by at 90. Come over here & make a statement.”.
The usual questions, surname, first names, driving license, etc follow.
With profession the man answers:
- “My job? I work in the medical field, I am a manipulator of assholes.”
The officer looks at him with big eyes:
- “And that consists of what?”
- “Err, well people call me and they say to me that they would like to have a broader asshole. You know, but for more than twenty years, men and women have been in search of greater gratification on a sexual level. They do not want to use any more products or other substances like aphrodisiacs. They want something more natural and so we help prepare natural openings. Moreover a survey even showed that normal men use these practices with their wives. When I arrive and I start with a finger, two fingers, all the hand, the two hands, then the arm. And then I pull as hard as I can and usually employ the use of some specially created forceps which I continue to use until I finally stop when I obtain a huge asshole of 1m 75.”
The officer’s face is blank, as if he is trying to imagine the scene mentally. Then he comes around & responds.
- “And what does one do with an asshole of 1.75m????”
And the motorist says to him with a grimace:
- “In general he is given a radar and then told to go & stand under a bridge!!!”
Three American generals return home from the war in Vietnam to take their retirement in the USA.
Their states of service are exceptional.
Also the army decides to grant to them an additional premium for their service.
The Minister for Defense meets the three generals and makes this offer:
“You can choose any distance between two points of your body. We will multiply the length in centimeters by a thousand and that will be your gold mine for the retirement. ”
The first: measure for me the top of my head to my toes.
The military doctor carries out the man’s wishes and the general leaves for his retirement with $180,000.
The second: I’ll raise my arms in the air and you measure me from my nails to my toes.
The doctor smiles. This general is definitely quite magnificent.
He sets out again with $230,000. The third: measure on me the end of my cock to my testicles.
The doctor is surprised by thinking that he will set out with only $5,000.
He takes his meter, positions it on the end of the penis: But where are your testicles gone?
- They remained in Vietnam!
- Putting all else aside. You realize that you endangered not only your own life but also the lives of your entire platoon. During the combat, the enemy discovered us all because of your fault! Do you have any explanation for your actions?
- Yes sergeant: As much as I did not move even an inch when a couple of pigeons took me for a target. As much as I did not say anything and I remained motionless when I saw a snake crawling over my feet… But when these two squirrels returned in my trousers and that I heard one of them say: “Let us eat one immediately and keep the other for winter”, I cracked…
A radar officer standing under a bridge flashes a motorist at 90m/ph. A little further he is stopped by a fellow officer who points out the traffic regulations:
- “You know that there is a speed limit of 70m/ph on this section of motorway. However, you went by at 90. Come over here & make a statement.”.
The usual questions, surname, first names, driving license, etc follow.
With profession the man answers:
- “My job? I work in the medical field, I am a manipulator of assholes.”
The officer looks at him with big eyes:
- “And that consists of what?”
- “Err, well people call me and they say to me that they would like to have a broader asshole. You know, but for more than twenty years, men and women have been in search of greater gratification on a sexual level. They do not want to use any more products or other substances like aphrodisiacs. They want something more natural and so we help prepare natural openings. Moreover a survey even showed that normal men use these practices with their wives. When I arrive and I start with a finger, two fingers, all the hand, the two hands, then the arm. And then I pull as hard as I can and usually employ the use of some specially created forceps which I continue to use until I finally stop when I obtain a huge asshole of 1m 75.”
The officer’s face is blank, as if he is trying to imagine the scene mentally. Then he comes around & responds.
- “And what does one do with an asshole of 1.75m????”
And the motorist says to him with a grimace:
- “In general he is given a radar and then told to go & stand under a bridge!!!”
Three American generals return home from the war in Vietnam to take their retirement in the USA.
Their states of service are exceptional.
Also the army decides to grant to them an additional premium for their service.
The Minister for Defense meets the three generals and makes this offer:
“You can choose any distance between two points of your body. We will multiply the length in centimeters by a thousand and that will be your gold mine for the retirement. ”
The first: measure for me the top of my head to my toes.
The military doctor carries out the man’s wishes and the general leaves for his retirement with $180,000.
The second: I’ll raise my arms in the air and you measure me from my nails to my toes.
The doctor smiles. This general is definitely quite magnificent.
He sets out again with $230,000. The third: measure on me the end of my cock to my testicles.
The doctor is surprised by thinking that he will set out with only $5,000.
He takes his meter, positions it on the end of the penis: But where are your testicles gone?
- They remained in Vietnam!
Adriana Lima - Compilation - sexiest of the Angels of Victoria Secrets
Who else has the body of goddess Adriana Lima?
...answers on a postcard please
...answers on a postcard please
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Some Black Humor
What has four legs and an arm?
- A pitbull in a kindergarten.
A moderate Taliban is a Taliban who continues to put his wife in the trunk of the car but who removes the spare wheel so that there is more room.
In a hotel, in France, a French tourist has his breakfast quietly: coffee, croissant, butter and jam. An American tourist sits opposite him chewing his chewing gum. The Frenchman is unaware of him, but the American starts a conversation:
The American: “You French, you always eat bread?”
The French (in a bad mood): “Yes.”
The American (after having made a large bubble with his chewing gum):
“In America, we only eat the interior. The crust, we put in containers, it gets recycled into croissants and we sell them to the French.”
The American has a small grin on his face, the Frenchman continues to listen in silence.
The American continues: “You eat jam with the bread?”
The Frenchman: “Yes.”
- American (a large bubble bursts on his face and he skillfully draws the gum back into his mouth and continues to chew): “With us, no, in America, we eat fresh fruits with our breakfast. And we put the peels, the pips and the remainders in containers, we recycle them by making jam and we sell it to the French.”
The Frenchman then asks: “Do you make love in America?”
The American: “Yes of course, very often” he says with a broad smile.
The Frenchman: “And what do you do with the used condoms?”
The American: “Well like everyone, we throw them.”
- The Frenchman: “Once we finish with ours, we recycle them in containers, then we make chewing gum and sell it to the Americans…”
- A pitbull in a kindergarten.
A moderate Taliban is a Taliban who continues to put his wife in the trunk of the car but who removes the spare wheel so that there is more room.
In a hotel, in France, a French tourist has his breakfast quietly: coffee, croissant, butter and jam. An American tourist sits opposite him chewing his chewing gum. The Frenchman is unaware of him, but the American starts a conversation:
The American: “You French, you always eat bread?”
The French (in a bad mood): “Yes.”
The American (after having made a large bubble with his chewing gum):
“In America, we only eat the interior. The crust, we put in containers, it gets recycled into croissants and we sell them to the French.”
The American has a small grin on his face, the Frenchman continues to listen in silence.
The American continues: “You eat jam with the bread?”
The Frenchman: “Yes.”
- American (a large bubble bursts on his face and he skillfully draws the gum back into his mouth and continues to chew): “With us, no, in America, we eat fresh fruits with our breakfast. And we put the peels, the pips and the remainders in containers, we recycle them by making jam and we sell it to the French.”
The Frenchman then asks: “Do you make love in America?”
The American: “Yes of course, very often” he says with a broad smile.
The Frenchman: “And what do you do with the used condoms?”
The American: “Well like everyone, we throw them.”
- The Frenchman: “Once we finish with ours, we recycle them in containers, then we make chewing gum and sell it to the Americans…”
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Bruno face to face with Eminem
Well... this was obviously a stunt & I think Eminem was possibly in on this, but either way, this was funny as hell.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Compilation of the nasty tricks people do to their “friends”
This compilation is simply quite enormous! Certain photographs are well known, but the majority I had never seen. Here thus is a compilation of the worst tricks people have perpetrated on others.
Which none will win the prize?
Which none will win the prize?
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Sorry, more blonde jokes...
This is the story of two blondes who buy two mice.
When they bring them home, one of the two blondes says to the other:
- How are we going to recognize them?
- I know! I will cut the ear off one the mice so that we can differentiate them!
- Yes! You are intelligent!
During the night the mouse which does not have any more ear, complains:
- Why is it that he is allowed to have two ears and me only one???
On this, it bites the ear of the other.
The next morning the two blondes come to see the mice:
- Oh no! How will we know which is which when both have only one ear?
I will cut off the other ear!
- Good idea.
During the night the mouse which does not have any more ears says:
- Why it has one ear and me none?
On this, it begins to eat the ear of the other.
The following day, the two blondes awake:
- Oh no! They do not have any more ears! What should we do?
- Ok, I’ll cut the leg off my mouse!
- Good, good, ok!
And this continues to happen until there is nothing more than their head, body and tail.
- So what should we do now?
- Mm, wait…
- I know! You take the white one and I’ll have the black!
Why do blonde mothers seldom change the their baby’s nappies?
…
???
…
Because on the packing it is says: “Up to 19 kg”.
When they bring them home, one of the two blondes says to the other:
- How are we going to recognize them?
- I know! I will cut the ear off one the mice so that we can differentiate them!
- Yes! You are intelligent!
During the night the mouse which does not have any more ear, complains:
- Why is it that he is allowed to have two ears and me only one???
On this, it bites the ear of the other.
The next morning the two blondes come to see the mice:
- Oh no! How will we know which is which when both have only one ear?
I will cut off the other ear!
- Good idea.
During the night the mouse which does not have any more ears says:
- Why it has one ear and me none?
On this, it begins to eat the ear of the other.
The following day, the two blondes awake:
- Oh no! They do not have any more ears! What should we do?
- Ok, I’ll cut the leg off my mouse!
- Good, good, ok!
And this continues to happen until there is nothing more than their head, body and tail.
- So what should we do now?
- Mm, wait…
- I know! You take the white one and I’ll have the black!
Why do blonde mothers seldom change the their baby’s nappies?
…
???
…
Because on the packing it is says: “Up to 19 kg”.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Suppository ideas
New suppositories with an easily retractable handle, use when you want & take out anytime. They also taste good...
20 sentences
10 sentences which she will never say…
1) Guess what? It’s our anniversary today? I had forgotten all about it!
2) You really went out of your way to talk with me this evening? Wouldn’t you rather watch TV?
3) Oh, this diamond is really too large.
4) And for our honeymoon, let’s take the boat out & go fishing!
5) That outfit I was going to buy would look good on your secretary.
6) I think I need to put on more weight.
7) You’re going in the right direction, I’m just here to follow your lead.
8) If the telephone’s for me, say I’m not here.
9) I don't care, $500 is too expensive even if the dress is beautiful.
10) I want just to see what this motor has in its belly.
10 sentences which he will never say…
1) Here’s the remote control.
2) You know, even though I’m against it, I would really like to discuss it with you.
3) Antonio Banderas and Brad Pitt? Is it absolutely necessary we watch this?
4) Even when I’m tired, I love listening to you talk about your day.
5) Darling, since neither of us planned anything for this afternoon, can we go to choose
the wallpaper for the room?
6) I just want you to hold me in your arms; that is all.
7) Why won’t you come to help me choose a pair of shoes?
8) Let’s just forget the football match & do something you’d like.
9) Let me carry your bag while you try that on.
10) Sometimes I wish we could talk more rather than just jumping in the sack
1) Guess what? It’s our anniversary today? I had forgotten all about it!
2) You really went out of your way to talk with me this evening? Wouldn’t you rather watch TV?
3) Oh, this diamond is really too large.
4) And for our honeymoon, let’s take the boat out & go fishing!
5) That outfit I was going to buy would look good on your secretary.
6) I think I need to put on more weight.
7) You’re going in the right direction, I’m just here to follow your lead.
8) If the telephone’s for me, say I’m not here.
9) I don't care, $500 is too expensive even if the dress is beautiful.
10) I want just to see what this motor has in its belly.
10 sentences which he will never say…
1) Here’s the remote control.
2) You know, even though I’m against it, I would really like to discuss it with you.
3) Antonio Banderas and Brad Pitt? Is it absolutely necessary we watch this?
4) Even when I’m tired, I love listening to you talk about your day.
5) Darling, since neither of us planned anything for this afternoon, can we go to choose
the wallpaper for the room?
6) I just want you to hold me in your arms; that is all.
7) Why won’t you come to help me choose a pair of shoes?
8) Let’s just forget the football match & do something you’d like.
9) Let me carry your bag while you try that on.
10) Sometimes I wish we could talk more rather than just jumping in the sack
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Vanessa Hudgens on the beach with a small bikini, all is well…
Hmmm.... what more is there to say?
Get your dirty hands off....
Actually, I hate competition
Get your dirty hands off....
Actually, I hate competition
The pc virus I'd love to get
Newton Virus by Troika
This is a hilarious and the most artistic virus I’ve ever seen. Sadly, only Macs users can enjoy this one…
This is a hilarious and the most artistic virus I’ve ever seen. Sadly, only Macs users can enjoy this one…
Enter the blondes...
A blonde is walking along a sidewalk and sees a small ant that is crying. She picks it up & puts it in the PALM OF HER HAND and says to him:
- Why do you cry little ant?
- Because it is my birthday and nobody celebrates it with me.
So, the blonde decides to sing to him:
“Happy birthday small ant! Happy birthday small ant!”
Then, CLAPPING
“Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday small ant!
The birthday is abruptly over...
A brunette, redhead and a blonde are together inside a building on fire. They begin to panic because the firemen have been unsuccessful & the lower floors are still ablaze. But just in time four good Samaritans come around the corner with a large blanket and try to save the girls. So they shout to the first:
- Go ahead, jump & we will catch you!
She jumps but as soon as she gets near the blanket the guy removes the blanket and lets the brunette crash to the ground. They call to the second to jump.
- Go ahead, jump! Sorry, we missed the first but this time we’ll definitely catch you!
She jumps but as soon as she gets near the blanket the guy removes the blanket and lets the redhead crash to the ground. They say to the third to jump (there remains only the blonde.)
- No! I am not stupid… put the blanket on the ground and move back; then I will jump!
- Why do you cry little ant?
- Because it is my birthday and nobody celebrates it with me.
So, the blonde decides to sing to him:
“Happy birthday small ant! Happy birthday small ant!”
Then, CLAPPING
“Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday small ant!
The birthday is abruptly over...
A brunette, redhead and a blonde are together inside a building on fire. They begin to panic because the firemen have been unsuccessful & the lower floors are still ablaze. But just in time four good Samaritans come around the corner with a large blanket and try to save the girls. So they shout to the first:
- Go ahead, jump & we will catch you!
She jumps but as soon as she gets near the blanket the guy removes the blanket and lets the brunette crash to the ground. They call to the second to jump.
- Go ahead, jump! Sorry, we missed the first but this time we’ll definitely catch you!
She jumps but as soon as she gets near the blanket the guy removes the blanket and lets the redhead crash to the ground. They say to the third to jump (there remains only the blonde.)
- No! I am not stupid… put the blanket on the ground and move back; then I will jump!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Morning Prayer
Our father who is at the office,
Let my work be light,
That the owners will leave on holiday,
And that our will is made
At the office as at the house.
Give us today a day off,
One week of recovery,
And a month of reflection.
Forgive us our absences,
As we also forgive,
Those which make us work.
Do not subject us to observation,
With the fall of wages,
With embargoes and overtime.
But deliver us from this hell.
Because it is with you that the capacity belongs
To increase our wages and our days off,
While decreasing our work,
Amen.
Let my work be light,
That the owners will leave on holiday,
And that our will is made
At the office as at the house.
Give us today a day off,
One week of recovery,
And a month of reflection.
Forgive us our absences,
As we also forgive,
Those which make us work.
Do not subject us to observation,
With the fall of wages,
With embargoes and overtime.
But deliver us from this hell.
Because it is with you that the capacity belongs
To increase our wages and our days off,
While decreasing our work,
Amen.
Classic Cat Compilation
Yes, I'm sure you've probably seen these videos before but they are some of the most popular cat videos of recent times, which are worth seeing again & again...
Pet of the week
Ninja Cat
Cat vs. Big Box
Dancing Kittens
Pet of the week
Ninja Cat
Cat vs. Big Box
Dancing Kittens
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Effects of the Coffee
This animated video is of a French song about drinking too much coffee. Don't let the language put you off, the animation is very funny. Reminds me of when I was drinking 12 cups a day...
Friday, May 15, 2009
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